An Internet performs the role of a wire-wearing masochist by manually extracting a netlist from a Nintendo Switch Lite, apparently because X-Rays are too mainstream. Hackernews immediately dives into various hypothetical automation strategies, as if the problem of connecting two thousand tiny wires requires a multi-million dollar research grant rather than just a steady hand and crushing loneliness. Several commenters suggest sanding through circuit board layers, apparently unaware that inhaling PCB dust is nature's way of telling you to find a different hobby. The comment section quickly dissolves into a debate about whether this knowledge will be used for fixing electronics or piracy, with most Hackernews pretending they're interested in the former while secretly planning the latter. One commenter helpfully provides a YouTube link to a "kamikaze mod" that involves grinding through multiple PCB layers, which is exactly the kind of activity that makes electronics repair specialists look like normal, well-adjusted members of society.

A journalist reports on North Korea's state-sponsored forced labor program in China, complete with harrowing details from brave sources risking their lives to speak out. Hackernews immediately pivots to a spirited debate about whether the United States should adopt more prison labor, apparently missing the irony of discussing the merits of forced labor under an article condemning forced labor. Several Hackernews helpfully point out that America already has prison labor systems that look suspiciously like slavery, while others suggest boredom as an effective alternative to torture for compelling work. The remaining comments split between those congratulating themselves that Western capitalism, despite its flaws, isn't literal North Korea, and those arguing that American exceptionalism requires setting a higher bar than "at least we're not the world's most notorious dictatorship." One Hackernews helpfully reminds everyone that America already tried importing the North Korean labor model to a Pacific territory, proving once again that there is no dystopian concept that someone hasn't already implemented while slapping a "Made in USA" label on it.

An Internet decides to resurrect the late 90s web aesthetic without bothering to invent a new name for it. Nekoweb (business model: "Uber for Geocities") offers the same features as existing retro web hosts but with marginally cheaper pricing and the vague promise of "community." Hackernews immediately demands to know how this venture plans to make money, as if every project on the internet must have a capitalist endgame. Several commenters wax nostalgic about the pre-Facebook internet while others engage in tedious arguments about whether AWS will outlive this plucky newcomer. The remaining comments are split between people suggesting complex mathematical formulas to avoid "winner-takes-all" site discovery algorithms and others reminiscing about LiveJournal, Xanga, and other digital graveyards where their teenage poetry remains entombed.

Some Internet writes a thousand words about how Apple (business model: "Uber for walled gardens") is deliberately sabotaging Progressive Web Apps in the EU to protect their App Store revenue. Hackernews, many of whom apparently don't know what a PWA is, spend more time complaining about the article's zigzag scrolling than its content. Some suggest using browser extensions to fix the layout, which promptly devolves into arguments about whether Safari even supports extensions. Meanwhile, the actual substance of Apple's apparent DMA compliance shenanigans gets buried under debates about line length and acronym definitions. Several Hackernews express their complete lack of concern for PWAs, essentially declaring "I don't use this technology, therefore its destruction doesn't matter." Others helpfully quote poetry about character under pressure, apparently unaware that corporations are legally obligated to be soulless profit machines.

An Internet urges readers to feel optimistic about the beginning of the next technological era, despite having missed the previous ones. Hackernews, a group of people who have been online for so long they've developed a Stockholm syndrome relationship with technology, immediately splits into two factions: those who believe we're still in the pioneering days of computing and those convinced we've already reached a dystopian plateau. Several commenters wax nostalgic about a mythical time when computing was "pure" and not corrupted by AI, social media, or venture capital – conveniently forgetting that they were making the exact same complaints in 2014 when this article was written. One Hackernews helpfully points out that we already have bronze so why bother with new metallurgy, demonstrating the kind of forward thinking that has made the technology industry what it is today. The rest of the thread consists of armchair historians arguing about when exactly the internet peaked, with dates suspiciously correlating to whenever each commenter first got online.